“The lamp of the Eternal One is the human soul”
Prov. 20:27
Death, and its accompanying sense of loss, grief and anguish, poses an intense challenge to the spiritual and psychological state of the mind of the bereaved.
Jewish practices are grounded in the unshakable belief in the sanctity of human life, the dignity of the person, and the emotional and spiritual needs of the mourners.
Traditionally, we believe that humankind is created in the image of God and we are, therefore, mandated to have respect for the deceased and also the body of the deceased. This is called kevod ha-met and is the guiding principle for the Jewish burial and mourning customs.
As these customs vary widely within the Jewish community, this short guide is designed to provide information. Its purpose is to assist in maintaining the customs and traditions of the Jewish People, to help the mourners provide a funeral for their loved ones with the greatest respect and dignity and to help the mourners onto the road of healing.
As this is by no means all-inclusive, specific questions should be directed to the rabbi.
Timing of the Funeral Service
It is most appropriate to bury the deceased without undue delay, taking legal and logistical considerations into account. This accords greater respect to the deceased as well as providing a psychological benefit to the mourners, who do not have to undergo the emotional pain of an unnecessary delay. Setting the time of the funeral requires consultation with the rabbi, the funeral director, and the cemetery.
Burial
Based on the Biblical verse, “For dust you are, and to dust you shall return” (Gen. 3:19), Jewish tradition has maintained that burial should be in the earth. Cremation historically has been rejected, but is accepted by some segments of the Jewish population including our congregation. Questions regarding these matters should be addressed to the rabbi.
Autopsies
Jewish tradition allows for an autopsy when required by civil law, or when the knowledge gained from an autopsy might help save others suffering from the same disease. Routine autopsies where nothing specific will be learned should be avoided because they violate the principle of kevod ha-met – respect for the body of the deceased.
Embalming
State law does not require embalming in most situations, and does not permit it without the expressed permission of the next of kin. Embalming is not a traditional Jewish practice.
Organ donation
In Jewish law, organ donations are permitted to save a life and many authorities consider this act a mitzvah
Taharah
When a newborn child enters the world, the baby is washed and purified. “As he came,” declares the writer of Ecclesiastes, “so should he go” (Eccl. 5:14). Consequently, it is the traditional Jewish way of reverence for the deceased that when a person departs this world, he or she is washed and purified. Persons with special training and religious piety perform the taharah – the sacred rites of washing and purification, accompanied by the recitation of prayers and appropriate Psalms. In most cases, taharah is accompanied by dressing the deceased in tachrichim (burial garments, also called shrouds). Such services may be requested through the Chevra Kaddisha (Jewish Burial Society) at 207.774.3733.
Shemirah
Traditionally, the deceased is not to be left alone. A shomer (watcher) reads Psalms and recited prayers on behalf of the dead. In this way, the deceased is attended at all times. This service may be requested through the Chevra Kaddisha.
Choosing the Casket
In choosing a casket, Jewish tradition mandates a plain pine box in order to avoid ostentation.
Public Viewing of the Deceased
Judaism considers it disrespectful to the deceased to have an open casket except for identification purposes.
Flowers and Charity
Greater honor is paid to the deceased by making a donation to charities rather than displaying flowers. It is not customary to display flowers at a Jewish funeral.
K’riah
The rending of the mourners’ outer garment or k’riah ribbon is a Jewish mourning practice, symbolizing the tearing of the heart mourners feel at the time of loss. When one is mourning for parents, k’riah is performed on the left side, over the heart, while in mourning for children, siblings and spouses, it is done on the right side.
Placing the Casket
The final placement of the casket should be witnessed for psychological and religious reasons. Those present at the interment are afforded the opportunity to place earth on the casket. Jewish tradition considers this a hesed shel emet, - an act of true loving kindness and the last kindness we can extend, since there is no reciprocal favor we can expect from the deceased.
Meal of Consolation
The mourners’ first meal after returning from the cemetery (seudat havra’ah) is usually provided by friends, neighbors, or a synagogue committee. The meal generally includes hard-boiled eggs (which symbolize the potential of renewal) or other round objects symbolizing the wheel of life, continuity, and the need to move on.
Shiva
The first, most intense stage of mourning is called shiva, the Hebrew word meaning “seven” and refers to a seven-day period of formalized mourning by the immediate family of the deceased. Shiva begins immediately after the burial as the mourners to gather together in the home of the deceased or the home of a mourner, cut off from the normal routine of their lives which death has interrupted. A shiva candle is lit when the mourners arrive home from the burial and is allowed to burn for the entire shiva period. Care should be taken to leave the candle in a safe location. A rabbi should be consulted regarding the details of shiva practices.
Sheloshim
Sheloshim (thirty) ends on the morning of the thirtieth day after the funeral. It marks the end of the traditional formal mourning period for all except parents. The period from the end of shiva to the end of sheloshim is one of transition from deep bereavement to resuming life’s usual routine. Again, a rabbi should be consulted regarding the details of sheloshim practices. At the end of sheloshim, we encourage family and friends to gather together to read or study appropriate texts, to pray together, and to speak about the deceased.
For the death of a parent, the traditional mourning continues for a year, marked by the daily recitation of Kaddish for eleven months of the Hebrew calendar.
Yahrzeit
Yahrzeit is observed on each anniversary of the day of death according to the Hebrew calendar. A yahrzeit candle is lit at sunset on the evening before the yahrzeit date and burns for 24 hours. In addition, some mourners attend services and recite Kaddish, visit the cemetery, give tzedakah (charity) or engage in special acts of kindness to others. For clarification, consult your rabbi.
Yizkor
Yizkor (“May God remember”) services in memory of our deceased loved ones are held on Yom Kippur, Shemini Atzeret, and on the last days of Pesach and Shavuot. A yahrzeit candle is lit at sunset on the evening before yizkor is recited.
Concluding Thought
Death is not the end, but a point in life that goes beyond our reach. The greatest respect we can pay the deceased is to live up to the high ideals of Judaism and to perpetuate their memory by filling the void created by their passing, by finding new avenues to express our love and concern for those who need us.
May the memory of our loved ones be for an eternal blessing.
Procedures to Follow When Someone Dies
- If the death occurs in a hospital, sign a release form so that the mortuary of your choice will be permitted to transfer the deceased into their care.
- Make sure that a physician is available to sign the death certificate.
- Call the rabbi before setting the time of the funeral service.
- Call the Jewish Funeral Home at 207.774.3733, visti them at their website, or contact the mortuary of your choice.
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